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Enjoys romance, fermentation, and long walks on the peach

Lets just call this one HEAL THE WORLD Mondays with a twist

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So here goes - "The Office Dummies Guide to Fruit Flies", also know as "People shouldn't have to be told this stuff". After all, there might be a fly epidemic coming soon. (and if there is, you first heard it here folks):

"Lately, fruit flies are found in our office. They have made their way to the meeting rooms. It has been annoying with them flying around while the meetings are in progress. Fruit flies are also found at your desk when you left your fruits uneaten over a few days.


Fruit flies are found on leftover local bananas and grapes. These fruit flies feed and breed on overripe and fermenting fruits. Fruit flies can reproduce anywhere there is fermenting organic matter that stays consistently wet or moist. These flies develop from larvae, and fruit flies larva must have moist, fermenting matter in order to survive.

To eliminate the flies, local bananas will not be ordered and left over grapes will be cleared from fruit basket after 2 days. Staff are encouraged not to leave fruits on their desks over 2 days. Staff are responsible to clear away the fruits from their desks before going on leave or dispose overripe fruits from their desks.


Each of us has a duty for keep away flies from breeding in our office, including cockroaches. Keep food in containers with tight-fitting lids. Please do not allow food to be remained on the desks overnight, you are inviting insects to feed on them. Store and keep food away before you leave the office...but you need to cultivate good habit to keep the insects away."

Really. People shouldn't have to be told this.

No can be superhero without snazzy outfit

Yes, Yes..Its HEAL THE WORLD Mondays again, where i point out bright ideas on how we can save this ole planet we hop up and down on, also better explained as  "pearls of wisdom from the workplace that people spout to show they care." People from my workplace.  Now you know why i'm the smartest pea in this pod.

The Question:

What is your contribution to environmental conservation?

The earth-shattering reply:

I try not to be "a slave to fashion". Don’t you think that is one of the ways to save our environment?

Yes, now discuss.

The philosophy of food..and smell

The story of the Curry Puff which was brought to be eaten but forgotten at the bottom of the bag..about what happens when your not as neat and tidy as your mother, who lives in another country and so cannot clean your house for you.. and the philosophical learnings from this highly scented event:

Mom:  What happened about the curry puff

Ms. Clean: It was smashed and molten like lava ...which has lost the will to be hot

Mom: yuck

Ms. Clean: heehee

Mom: i wasnt smelling
Ms. Clean: how can you smell ?
Mom: What?
Ms. Clean: You're so far away..how can you smell?
Mom: it*. I meant It wasnt smelling?
Ms. Clean: Oh.  Oh well, I dunno. I had not washed the dishes also, so there were a lot of smells and it was hard to distinguish which smell was which
Mom: sheeeeeeeeeeeee (which for the uneducated, is a milder version of YUCK)
I hope u opened that new air freshner thing.
Ms. Clean: Why? Smell is good for the soul. It reminds you that your nose is still working
Mom: Nevermind

I think she's given up on me. I don't understand why

Education

Student: What about sex?

Economics professor: What about it?

Student: Well, it's something that probably never has a diminishing marginal utility.

Economics professor: You wish. (class laughs) Plus, for most of us in this room, sex isn't usually a market transaction.

--Columbia University

Twisted, but true..?

Well, this should have been for HEAL THE WORLD Mondays, but i was obviously sleeping so far this week.. here goes..pearls of wisdom from the workplace that people spout to show they care.

Q:  What is your contribution to environmental conservation?

A:  I am a vegetarian.

And that Ladies and Gentlemen is how we're going to save the planet...one brocolli at a time

Saving the world...one plant at a time

Been a long long time since i posted on this blog.. Well, it's the start of another week. Which means its time for HEAL THE WORLD Mondays, where i give you pearls of wisdom that people spout to show they care.
These are mostly from the office place, but don't let that make you think we're a bunch of dorks who know nothing and are doing nothing...we survived the financial crisis didn't we? Aaaand we have many online Solitaire experts who practice their skills day in and day out...Sigh..what was i saying again...aaah yes..

Q: What is your contribution to environmental conservation?
A: I have a plant on my office desk!

Ironing out our environmental problems..one dress at a time

Another HEAL THE WORLD Monday sagely advice snippet. This one is something i follow too...

Q: What is your contribution to environmental conservation?

A: When I wash my clothes I try not to wrinkle them too much so when they get dry there’s no need for me to iron them. This way, I am able to conserve electricity.

 

...Although in my case, its more a case of laziness.

Smoke-Free Time Travel for the best of causes

And once again, for HEAL THE WORLD Mondays, more pearls of wisdom


Q: Given an opportunity, which person in this world would you most like to meet and why?
A: My future teenage kids, because I want to make sure that I wouldn’t have made a mistake by bringing them into the world.



Q:What is your contribution to environmental conservation?
A: I don't smoke =)




Well, smoking does cause pollution. So not smoking must mean environmental conservation.
There go my brownie points.

The World this Week

Happening week this one was (or not)

Lemme see what i can remember:

Watched 3 new movies the past week

I really liked Terminator Salvation, which i completely did not expect to do. And might i just add that Sam Worthington aka Marcus Wright is really really really good looking. Lil Sis and me both agreed, for once.

The movie, although a lot of it was predictable, it was still good - despite Christian Bale's weird deep throat voice. It kinda maybe worked in Batman, (seeing as he was Batman and all) but doesn't work in every movie. Really. It doesn't.

Also watched the new Star Trek. I'm not sure if was supposed to be as funny as i found it. Eric Bana - good. The rest - just funny. I guess i expected more from it.

Angels and Demons - Whoever it was who decided to redo Tom Hanks hairstyle - Thank you!!!

I actually enjoyed this movie- and not having to see the ridiculous hairstyle he sported in the Da Vinci code made it a whole lot easier.

Ewan McGregor had a accent i can really get used to. Although, if he's been at the Vatican so long, you'd think the accent would go away a bit no?

I read the book ages ago, and couldnt remember how it ended. Think i'll read it again, i only remember that i liked it then.

I'm finally done with Charles and Keith shoes - and the straw that broke this camels back came when i bloody slipped and fell because the damn slippers had no purchase even on rough ground.

And then to give a good start to the week to come, i woke up yesterday morning and thought it was Sunday and was really really pissed off that my alarm rang. Had to stare at the damn phone for a whole minute to make sure it really did say Monday and wasn't playing games on me.

Not good. Not good at all.

Then my pao friend RR (this would make sense if you were Goan, but we'll save that for another wasted & mindless posting) added his two bit of Monday morning wisdom and in his strange but not-at-all fascinating me also gave me what he calls a compliment:

RR: You're perfectly demented in the right amounts already

There are right and wrong amounts, you ask? well, i did ask too, unfortunately.

RR: yeah - Wrong amounts are when women nag. Right amounts is when we can have a conversation about how screwed up it is to name your child Sheldon*

So there!! I am now officially demented in the right amounts.

And to complete this lovely posting, i'll just say how might happy i am go now get back to work and my 327 EMAILS MORE TO GO...Its a real pain when you let the work pile up and then do a count on the number of email you still have to read. Steven, if you're reading this posting, i DO NOT want to hear how you are on holiday for the next 2 weeks while I'm here counting down the end of days.

* I'm not entirely sure about the wisdom of sharing this, but it has something to do with the fact that Sheldon is not a good sex name to have. Umm, no, you don't really want to know. Maybe another day i'll share why screaming 'Ride me Sheldon' qualifies as a comedy show and a turn off and almost any other name would sound better. To all the Sheldons i know, really Sorry. No offense

What I came back with when I went out to get food

Heal the world....

=>What is your contribution to environmental conservation?

Answer: I conserve air-conditioning at home by hanging out at a mall on weekends.

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This is why i love working where i work. Enterprising colleagues who make monday mornings so much more entertaining.

Storm in a Teacup: The story of the spineless Biscuits that hit rock bottom

One hour and twenty three minutes of the workday today were spent trying to accomplish a task called 'having breakfast' where i unsuccessfully tried to dip a biscuit in my cup of tea and put it into my mouth before the biscuit could succumb to the heat from the tea and soften and promptly fall into the tea cup.
Having spent atleast 20 years of my existence doing this task on a regular basis fairly easily, i find myself ashamed that from the 7 biscuits i attempted to eat, only 2 were managed the way they're supposed to be and the rest went to meet the tea leaves at the bottom of the swirling cup of tea.

I had more biscuit that tea in the tea cup.

And that will be always what can only be described as a faint mockery of a society that allows the existence of biscuits that cannot hold their own against hot tea.

The 2009 Alternative Oscars

I'm not sure why I'm doing this but i found this funny enough. Found it on esquire.com. My half-ass comments in red. Oh well, its too early in the morning to make any comments.
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But i will say that Jason Statham does look hot in a suit, and although i am not a Daniel Craig fan, it is saddening (!) that none of the Bonds have won
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There, comments done. And highlighted in red.
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The 2009 Alternative Oscars
Our statuettes are plastic. Our carpet is more of a cranberry. And our tuxedos are at the cleaners. Also, our tastes are slightly more objective than those of the Academy members. So, without commercial interruption, shamelessly researched speeches, or a roll call of the dead, here's a lauding of the achievements in cinema that won't get properly lauded at this year's Academy Awards.




Most Fun Blond: Elizabeth Banks
Terrific in both W. and Zack and Miri Make a Porno, she played Laura Bush and an amateur porn star in the same month. Nobody does the look of weary exasperation mixed with tenderness better, and there isn't a more common look that women give men. It's as if she were the middle child and only girl in a family of six brothers.



Best Actor Playing Himself: Jean-Claude Van Damme in JCVD
The most moving monologue of the year was the six-minute, one-take meditation on childhood dreams and fame at the heart of this movie: "When you're 13, you believe in your dream. Well, it came true for me. But I still ask myself today what I've done on this earth. Nothing! I've done nothing!" Melancholy and the capacity for astonishing violence always go well together.




Best Piece of Inside Information: Twilight
The good news is that this movie tells you what young women want. The bad news is that they want you to be a vampire, filled with dark and eternal desires, but tender and controlled enough not to suck their blood. Also, it would be good if you looked like Robert Pattinson and had skin that shimmers like ground crystal in broad daylight.




Best Sacred Dialogue: Doubt
Father Flynn [Philip Seymour Hoffman]: You haven't the slightest proof of anything.
Sister Aloysius [Meryl Streep]: But I have my certainty.





Best Profane Dialogue: In Bruges
An Irish assassin, played by Brendan Gleeson, offers constructive criticism to his gangster boss (Ralph Fiennes).
Ken [Gleeson]: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry [Fiennes] [furious]: Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?


Best Alternate Universe: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
If you think about it too hard, the Catholic-pagan weltanschauung at the center of the Hellboy films just seems silly. Still, it's beautiful. From Bagpipe Player with the preserved torso for an instrument to the huge fish with the ink sac to the creature with mushrooms growing from his limbs, the world created by Guillermo del Toro is as frighteningly intense and sudden as the dreams you get when you sleep with a nicotine patch on your ass or consume strong blue cheese before bed.

Best Music: Gunnin' for That #1 Spot
Since the movie is a labor of love from Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, it should come as no surprise that the music is as innocent and cool as the genius basketball kids the movie celebrates. The fullest proof, if any were needed, of the lameness of Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, in which twee pop songs only add to the monotony of the characters' coy adventures in posing.



Best Vehicle: Death Race
An 18-wheeler named the Dreadnought loaded with surface-to-surface missiles, 50-caliber machine guns, and a tank turret. It only comes in gray.





Best Man in a Suit: Jason Statham in The Bank Job
When Jason Statham puts on a suit, mere cloth becomes soft armor and a shortish British thug becomes somebody you aspire to be. Part of the attraction may be due to his particular technique of masculine dishabille: the collar slightly too large, the cuffs a bit too extended, the necktie skewed just so. The rest is a mysterious communion of man and clothing. It's not a statement to be made lightly, but the guy looks better in a suit than Robert De Niro.



Best Piece of Clothing: The gloves in Funny Games
The plain white gloves worn by the sadistic neighbors conjure at once the cruel indifference of butlers, scientists, and the guy who puts the ball back on the table in professional snooker. Those gloves say more about the human condition than the entire wardrobe of Sex and the City.


Funniest Apocalypse: WALL-E
The only memento of love remaining on planet Earth is Hello, Dolly! Depressing and ludicrous but also, somehow, exactly right.






Best Date Movie: Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Threesome with Scarlett Johansson and Penélope Cruz. Woody Allen doing Henry James in Spain. Everybody wins





Most Charming Racist for the Post-Obama Era
Tie — Samuel L. Jackson in Lakeview Terrace and Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino
In a joint sequel, their kids have kids. In the sequel to the sequel, one of those kids grows up to be president.




Best Failure: The Love Guru
Awards celebrate success, but some failures should be cherished. Mike Myers could make another five Austin Powers movies and then a nostalgic Wayne's World, please every executive at the studio, all the while earning enough money to warm his collection of homes by burning bricks of $100 bills. He instead chose to go way out on a limb and try to be absolutely hilarious. He landed on his ass and made a movie that nobody should watch but everybody should applaud.

Best Fantasy Object: The face mask in Iron Man
It allows Robert Downey Jr. to separate terrorists from innocent civilians and kill only the terrorists. Half the problems in the world would disappear if that mask existed.



Best Allegory for the Condition of the Urban Male in the Modern World: Quantum of Solace
Everything wrong with the Oscars can be summed up by this fact: Nobody has ever won Best Actor for James Bond. We ex-pect them to ignore the best of high art — to pick Rocky over Taxi Driver. The problem is, they won't go low, either. James Bond is the John Wayne for men who live in big cities — the model of the sophistication, confidence, and aplomb needed to survive in complex societies. Daniel Craig's is the darkest Bond yet but also one of the most honest: a man facing a brutal world in which the enemy is secretive and unknown, and he's betrayed by all the institutions he cares about. Isn't art supposed to reflect the world unflinchingly, to "hold the mirror up to nature," no matter how uncomfortable the reflection may be? Quantum of Solace does it.

2009 - The year of nothingness

Oh Wow.. its been long

Today is the first day i've actually been working in 2009..so it made sense to get back to the blog today

In the meantime...